Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I hardly get any sleep that night.   Espi is disappointed in me to say the least, and I have to beg Speed to believe me when I tell him that Espi had no idea that Aurora and I left church without her.  The last thing I want is for Espi to get in any trouble because of me.

Before Speed left our home, he tells me that I’m to report to the Chief’s office first thing in the morning.  I think this is the biggest fear that’s keeping me awake at night.   I’m worried about what the Chief will say or do, and I can’t help but think back to the scene in Strummer’s book.  The Chief wouldn’t take an incident like this that far though, would he?

I’m still not sure how Aurora and I were caught, but I feel awful that we were.  I mean, Aurora has never been one to break rules.  She’s always been the staff’s favorite student, so I’m sure that makes this whole ordeal all the more horrific to her.  I just wanted her to have a good time off base and experience something new for once in her life.  I never imagined it to backfire this much.

Aurora is already waiting in the Chief’s office when I arrive early the next morning.  She is sitting in one of two chairs set up across from the Chief’s desk.  She keeps her hands folded neatly on her lap, and her head lowered with her eyes focused on the floor by her feet.

The Chief is standing behind his desk.  He says nothing and only motions for me to enter his office, and then points to the empty seat beside Aurora.  My heart is pounding in my chest as I take a seat in the empty chair.  After I’m seated, the Chief sits down behind his desk.  “When I learned of what you two did, I did not want to believe so,” the Chief says.  He looks from me, and then to Aurora, and pauses for a long time.  “I hope that you understand, Aurora, that it was with concern that your caretaker followed you in secrecy yesterday.  Obviously, a just concern, would you not agree?”

Aurora lifts her head to look at the Chief.  She nods slightly, and responds in a very quiet voice:  “Yes, Sir.”

“I do not want to see behavior like this from you again.  Do you understand, Aurora?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“It was my hopes to name you leader of your team, but now with this incident, I must reevaluate my decision.  I should hope that this will be your first and only offense.”

Aurora’s eyes are wide, and I can tell that she is fighting back tears.  “Yes, Sir.”

He stares at her for a moment before raising his hand and motioning towards to door for her to leave.  “You are excused.”

Aurora stands, and leaves with a quiet “Thank you” to the Chief, and without giving me a single glance.  My heart sinks a little.  So it was Sara who caught us.  I’m enraged at the idea of her following us, and confused as to how we failed to see her.  But mostly I feel heartbroken that Aurora agreed with the Chief that Sara’s concerns were justified.   Even if she may have just been giving the answer that the Chief wanted to hear, part of me just wishes that she would have stuck up for me a little.  After all, what concerns could Sara have had to follow us to church picnic?  It obviously had to be me.  Spending time with Angel is a concern, is it?  I despise that old woman.

As soon as Aurora is gone, the Chief turns his attention to me.  As soon as those grey eyes lock on me, I feel myself go frozen.  I’m instantly struck by the same fear I felt when reading Strummer’s book.  I hold my breath as I wait for him to say something.

 “I’m sorry to do this, Angel, but you are banned from your off-base privileges.”

The words don’t fully register, and I blink at him dumbly for a while, “What do you mean?”

“I mean no more trips off base.”

I blink at him.  “At all?”

“At all,” he answers firmly.

I try to wrap my mind around this idea, but it’s a possibility I’ve never considered, and so it’s taking me sometime to understand.  No more trips off base.  No more church or church picnics.  No more movies.  No more Gabriel.

The Chief is still talking, and I have to force myself to try to focus on what he is saying.  “What disturbs me most is not the act of you leaving without your guardian, Angel, but the behavior that was witnessed by Sara,” he continues.  “She reports that you spent quite a bit of time convincing Aurora to go with you to the movies, and to break the rules.  She reports that you bragged about how many times in the past that you’ve done so.  To break the rules, is one thing, but to make it an ongoing game is appalling.”  His eyes narrow, as he leans forward over his desk towards me.  “If I ever catch you doing something like this again, it will be your last strike.  Do you understand, Angel?”

His words are sharp and direct.  They cut into me more forcibly than any blade.  I feel sick to my stomach, and I can’t find my voice to answer his question, so I just nod in answer.  He motions towards the door, giving me permission to leave his office, and I do so without hesitation.

 The Chief just took away what little bit of freedom I have.  He has robbed me of my only happiness in life, and I now feel the world crashing down around me.  So now I’m to be confined to this trapped, boring world forever.  These plain, grey buildings, the dirt gravel roads, the dust and wind that is the only thing that breaks the everlasting, irritating silence, all the uncaring, characterless people that live here, and that empty desert landscape that stretches so far… this is what is going to be my life from now on.

I walk slowly down the empty halls of the building, and towards the exit.  I’m so consumed by my own emotions that I don’t even see Aurora waiting for me outside.

“What did he say?” he voice is distant and it takes a while to reach me.

I stop walking to face her.  As I say the words out loud, they finally feel real:  “I’m not allowed off base anymore.”

She frowns.  “I’m sorry, Angel.”

“Sorry?”  Her apology seems meaningless.  Does she not understand what this means to me?

“Yes,” she says with sad blue eyes.  “I can’t help but feel that this is somehow my fault.”

I’m angry when she says this.  Somehow it feels as if she’s looking for comfort from me.  As if she wants me to say that it isn’t her fault.  I have nothing to say to her.  I am overwhelmed—overwhelmed by so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings.  I just want to get away from everyone and everything.   I’m frustrated by the fact that there is no escape.  Here I stand, a superhero with the power of flight, and I cannot even use it.  I could fly away easily, high into the sky, and try to find a place where maybe they will never find me.  But I know this isn’t a possibility, because they will find me, and the consequences to that are something I would like to never imagine.  I am trapped here forever, like a caged bird, and it is infuriating. 

“I wish there was something I could do,” Aurora continues.

“There’s nothing you can do!” I snap at her.  I feel myself growing hot, and I grit my teeth trying to force myself from getting any worse, but it’s no use.  “I wish I had never taken you to church picnic!  If you never came, none of this would have ever happened!  Sara would have never followed us, and I would have never been caught!  Now I’m never going to see my best friend again!  You feel like it’s your fault?  It is your fault!”

Aurora’s eyes immediately flood with tears.  At first, she looks as if she is about to say something, but doesn’t.  She disappears with a bright flash of light, and is gone.  I’m left alone on the empty dirt road with my fists glowing green and bright, and my head throbbing terribly.  For a moment, I wonder how long my hands were burning, because for once, I hadn’t even noticed it or felt it when it began.  I hide my hands under my armpits and continue down the road towards class, realizing that I’m coping with the pain from my freakish green powers the best I’ve ever managed so far.

***

I go throughout my day pretty much ignoring everything that is happening around me.  When I return home and share what my punishment is with Espi, she tries to comfort me as best she can.  “You only have a couple more years of training, my sweet, and then you’ll be a hero!  Heroes can go wherever they like!”  She’s right, but I still don’t feel much better. 

The week goes by terribly slow.  Our classes are short, and our free time is plenty, since finals are next week.  I should be training, but I don’t feel up to it.  I’ve pretty much lost all hope to becoming a hero.  Now that I’ve hurt the feelings of the only person who could help me, what else is left?  As the week goes by, I feel more of a pain over how I snapped at Aurora, than the initial pain of how I felt about the Chief’s sentencing.

The whole fight I had with Aurora plays over and over in my mind, and I can’t get rid of this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I feel embarrassed by how I behaved, and I’m pretty sure that Aurora views me as some sort of monster by now.  I haven’t spoken to her since it happened, and she hasn’t even glanced in my direction since that day.

I’m certain she hates me, and I feel terrible about it.  Even though the whole thing makes me sick, I can’t help but start to think that maybe this is for the best.  I was starting to kid myself thinking that there could ever be something between us two.  Even if she did feel the same way about me, we could never have a romance.  If I fail my final exams, and don’t pass as a superhero, I will be forced into retirement, and Aurora and I’s paths will part, probably forever.  If I pass my exams, pass as a superhero, I will be a hero alongside Aurora, and be forced to follow the rules including the one that says “no dating.”  It’s just impossible.

So I guess the one positive to come out of this whole ordeal is that I’ve essentially done just what Gabe said I needed to do:  I cut her off.  Now, if only I could just get over the pain.

 I spend my time rereading Strummer’s book at least twenty-something more times.  I practically have the thing memorized.

I reread the hidden letter over and over again, as well. 

“My Friend,

I hope this book finds its way to you.  Thank you for your ever loyal support and continuous efforts on my behalf.  You are as courageous as any hero I’ve ever known.

Good luck to you always,

Strummer”

I wonder who this could be addressed to.  I know the book is Professor Walden’s but it can’t possibly be for him.  He must have gotten the book from somebody else.  If I wasn’t so shy, I’d ask the professor directly, but for some reason, I don’t want him to know that I’ve found this hidden little note.  I guess part me is afraid that if he knew I saw this thing, maybe he would think I’ve looked at this book a little too closely.  Call me paranoid, but since I’m already on the bad side of pretty much every other staff member, I just don’t want to stir any trouble with the last teacher I have on my side.

As I lay in my bedroom, rereading the story yet again, I hear the doorbell ring.  I peer out my window and see Autumn waiting on the porch.  She’s been trying to visit after class with me all week long, but I’ve told Espi that I don’t feel like visitors and to send her away.  I lay back down on my bed, and listen to Espi’s voice give the same excuse on my behalf:  “I’m sorry, Autumn, but Angel is studying in her room.  She must study hard for the final exams next week.”

“But Charlene and I made her favorite peanut butter squares!” Autumn tries again.

“I’m sorry, Sweetie, but she just doesn’t have time for visitors.  You understand, right?”

“But it will only take a second to give them to her!  I promise!”

I lower my book and sit up on my bed.  I use my X-Ray vision to look through the walls and see Espi standing at the door.  She has that sympathetic look on her face and I can see that Autum’s puppy-eyed expression has broken her.  “Well… OK,” Espi caves in, “I’m sure it won’t hurt for you to visit just for a moment….”

Autumn grins big and zooms past her.  I groan to myself, and shove the book under my pillow.  I should have known Espi couldn’t last this long.  It’s Saturday evening now, and Autumn’s been at this since Tuesday.  Autumn knocks on my bedroom door.  “Yeah?” I say.

“It’s me Autumn,” her voice squeaks from the other side.

I roll my eyes, and then sigh heavily to myself.  At least she brought snacks.  “Come in,” I mutter.

Autumn enters my room cautiously.  In her hands, she grasps a small container of peanut butter treats.  “I made these for you,” she smiles sheepishly behind the plastic container. 

I know I should say thanks, but I also know that those treats are just an excuse to bug me for some gossip as to what has happened between Aurora and I.  “What do you want Autumn?” I cut to the chase.

“Well,” she sets down the container on my desk, and walks closer to me.  She sits beside me on my bed.  “I just wanna make sure you’re OK.  That’s all.”

“I’m fine.”

She frowns.  “Well, I don’t want you to think that I pity you,” she says.

I raise an eyebrow.  “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know a lot of stuff happened to you and everything, and I know you’re sad about it, and that you probably are working that out by yourself and stuff, and I also know you probably don’t wanna talk about it—“

“I don’t.”

“I know,” she says.  “But I’m just asking everyone if they are OK, alright?  So don’t think that I’m just here ‘cause of what happened to you.  That’s what I mean.”

I stare at her for a moment, and realize that this makes more sense.  Autumn usually is the one person to not bug me to share feelings or to “cheer up.”  “Why are you asking everyone if they are OK?” I question.

She bites her lip and I see in her body language that she seems nervous.  “I’ve just been having some nightmares, that’s all.”  She pauses for a moment.  “And I just have this feeling, and I know it’s bad.  I’ve never felt it before.”

“What are your nightmares about?” I ask.  I’ve never really seen Autumn act this way before.  She seems so uncomfortable, and awkward.

“I’m not sure,” Autumn says.  “It’s like… I’m having visions like I normally do, but in the middle of stuff… it … gets interrupted.”

“Interrupted by what?”

Her nose crinkles as she thinks for a moment.  “I can’t really tell, because it happens so fast,” she says.  “But it’s very bright, and green.  Almost like flames…. Some sort of green fire.”  She shudders a little.  “It’s eerie and glows super bright, and it always comes out of nowhere.  I have no idea what it is, or why I’m seeing it.”  She looks at me, and I’m trying my best to not look back at her.

“What do you think it could mean?” I ask, keeping my eyes away from her.

I glance at her briefly, and see that she is staring at me.  I begin to sweat a little.  Has she related the green fire to me in any way?  She sighs a little, and continues:  “I don’t know,” she says.  “I just know that it has to be bad.”

“Have you told anyone else?” I ask.

“No, just you,” she says.

“Are you going to?”

“I’m not sure.  Dr. Dianne usually always likes to keep track of my visions, but I don’t know if I should tell her about it, or not.”  Autumn frowns.  “I don’t want her to think I’m crazy or something.”

“Right,” I say.  “Maybe just… wait and see if it goes away?”

“I guess so,” Autumn frowns.  “But you are OK, then?  I mean… besides everything else.”

I nod.  “Yeah.”

“OK,” she says with another sigh and stands.  I get up with her and walk her to our front door.  “Just let me know if you get any ideas of what it could mean, OK?” Autumn asks as she steps onto the front porch.

I nod.  “Sure thing,” I lie.

She walks down our front steps and stops to wave briefly.  I return a wave, and she crosses the road, climbing the steps to her home across the street.  As I stand on the steps, I don’t even notice her until I hear her voice:  “Hi, Angel.”

Aurora is standing at the bottom of our steps.  She’s wearing a light blue summer dress that I’ve never seen her in before.  Her long black hair is braided in one long, single braid, that rests over her left shoulder.   A purple book bag drapes over her right shoulder, and I can tell by the tight indentation on her shoulder that the bag must be heavy with books.  Her legs look longer in the short cropped dress she is wearing.  She has a silver chained necklace with a single blue gem that matches her eyes.  Her lips are painted a soft pink, and her eyelids are delicately painted a light shade of pink and lavender, making the blue in her eyes stand out all the more so.  I’m taken aback by how dolled up she looks, and confused as to why she’s standing there.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” her cheeks flush slightly.  “I thought I would just give the message to Espi,” she says.  “I just came to say that for tomorrow’s training, you can just meet me at the stadium instead of here, OK?  ”

I blink at her.  “You’re still going to help me?”

She smiles a little, but it’s weak.  “Of course I am.  I made a promise.”  She pauses as she fixes a loose strand of hair that falls from her bangs.  She tucks the long piece behind her ear again, and I notice the pearl earrings in her ears.  “The Deltas are coming next week,” she continues.  “It’s important that you are prepared.”

I don’t say anything for a while, because I’m not sure what I should say.  I’m shocked to see her here, especially after all that happened.  I can’t believe that she’s still willing to put up with me after how I treated her.  I force myself to find my voice again:  “Thanks,” I say quietly.

 “Well,” she continues, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”  She waves and turns to leave.

My feet move without thinking, and I’m down the steps and standing before her, before I even can figure out what I’m doing down there at all.  I know I have to apologize to her for what I’ve done, but I can’t find the right words.  “I’m sorry,” I say.  I wish I could think of a more meaningful way of saying it, but that’s all I can think of at the moment.

“For what?” she says.

“For being a jerk,” I say.

She smiles a little.  “You’re not a jerk, Angel.”

“No, I am,” I say.  “At least I was when I yelled at you and blamed you for everything.”

“It’s OK,” she says.

I shake my head.  “I’m really sorry,” I apologize again. 

“It’s fine, Angel.  I understand.”

I’m not satisfied, because her smile still looks weak.  I can tell that she still feels uncomfortable talking to me, and I just want this awkwardness between us to go away already.  I don’t know what to do, but I just can’t have her leaving here like this.  I will never be able to sleep tonight if my last image of her is of this sad, fake-smile girl.

“Charlene and Autumn made me some peanut butter squares,” I say with a smile.  “Do you wanna come inside and help me finish them?”

I can’t believe it, but I’ve done it.  A big grin sweeps Aurora’s face, and there’s that genuine smile that makes my heart melt.  “Really?” she asks.

I nod, and her smile widens.  I hold out my hand and she takes it.  As soon as I grasp her hand within mine, the sick feeling that’s been lingering in my gut since Monday finally disappears.

***

Aurora seems to be back to her happy, cheerful self, and I’m grateful for this.  I don’t even mind when she starts poking around my belongings in my room.  She finds a photo album that Espi has made, and we spend most of the evening looking through the pictures and eating peanut butter squares.  Most of the photos are baby pictures and childhood memories of all four of us Alphas.  When we finish going through the album, I’m surprised when she pulls out three more binders from her backpack filled with even more photos of our childhood, and other things.

“Why do you have all these?” I say as she opens up the first binder.

Her cheeks turn red and she admits blushingly:  “I like pictures.”

I peek into her book bag and see there are seven binders all together.  “Those are all photo albums?” I ask.

She nods, still blushing.  “I know it’s stupid.”

I shake my head.  “It’s not stupid.  A lot of people like photography.”  I pick up an orange colored binder and open it up to the first page.  There’s a collage of photos of some landscape I don’t recognize at first.  The earth looks red, and the exposure of the sunlight really illuminates the clouds that hang in the bright blue sky.  “Did you take these?” I blink at her.

She nods.

I look down at the photos again.  “Where the heck did you take these?”

She glances at the photos, “That’s of the field that’s behind the stadium,” she says.

“This is on base?” I stare at her.

“Yeah, why?”

I look at the photos again and then at her.  “Because the base looks like crap, not like this,” I say.  “How did you manage to make anything on base look beautiful?” I say.

She smiles and shrugs her shoulders.  “I don’t know.”  She laughs a little. “I always thought the base was beautiful to begin with.”

I laugh.  “You’re crazy.”

I go through every page in every photo album.  Everything is a picture of the base, buildings and houses on base, and the people on base.  On one hand, this doesn’t surprise me because Aurora never leaves the base, so what else would she take pictures of?  But on the other hand, I’m surprised  and confused as to why anyone—no matter how deep their love of photography may be—would ever want to take so many pictures of what I’ve always considered to be the worst place on Earth.

But if she never told me these were of the base, I never would have guessed so.  I’ve never seen so much color and life on base.  In my eyes, Aurora has done the impossible—she’s brought out the hidden beauty of the base.

“These are awesome, Aurora,” I tell her as I close the last book.

“You really think so?” she asks.

 “Yeah.” 

She smiles.  “It’s getting late.  I should get back home.”

“Right,” I say, as I begin to help her gather her photo albums.  As I reach for the last binder on my bed, so does she, and our hands touch.  Her hand is warm, and that warmth immediately travels throughout my body.  I can feel an energy growing between us as our eyes meet.  I feel frozen in her blue eyes, and the only thing I can hear is my heart beating loudly in my chest.  Within this moment I realize again just how pretty she looks tonight. My face grows hot, and I immediately retract my hand away from hers.  I look away from her as she takes the last album and tucks it away in her book bag.

I walk Aurora to our front door.  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then, right?” she asks as she slings her book bag over her shoulder again.

“Yeah,” I say.  I avoid looking at her because I know I’m still red in the face.  “But you can meet me here if you want,” I add.

“Really?”

“Only if you want,” I say.

I look at her, and she smiles again.  “See you here at five then.”

I smile and open the door for her.  I wait till she’s down our front porch steps and on the street, before closing the door.  As soon as the door is closed, I sigh heavily with relief.  I can’t believe I could allow myself to get caught up in a moment like that.  I thought that I had just decided that it would be best not to pursue anything with Aurora, and now… now I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

***

During the night, I have a lot of strange dreams.  Most of them involve Gabriel and Rosie, and random activities during church picnic.  The thing that makes the dreams so strange is that for once I dream of Rosie in a way that doesn’t leave me with an empty, longing feeling when I awaken.  In fact, I forgot for a moment that she ever left.  The only thing that makes me sad is remembering that I won’t see Gabriel again—at least not for a long time.  I wonder if he will be mad at me, or what he’ll think when I stop showing up to picnic.   

Aurora  is at my home and ready for training right on time at 5 AM.  When we get to the stadium, as usual she wastes no time getting straight to business.  “Today’s our last day for training, so we gotta make it count!” she tells me.  “Today’s agenda will be telekinetic discipline and power sensing.”

I watch as she lets her duffle bag fall to the ground by her feet.  She points at the bag with her finger, and it unzips by itself.  With another wave of her finger the bag lifts from the ground and turns upside down so that its contents fall out.  About fifty tennis balls pour from the bag.  Aurora waves her finger again and the tennis balls begin to rearrange by themselves and spell her name.

I smile.  “You’re good.”

She smiles, too.  “You try.”

I focus hard and feel a magnetic pull building at my fingertips.  I point to the tennis balls, and force them to move on their own so that they spell my name.

“Good job!” Aurora claps.  “See?  You’re getting really good at focusing and really concentrating your powers.”

I grin.  “I guess so.”

Aurora spends the next hour instructing me to make different shapes with the tennis balls.  I surprise myself by being able to do everything that she asks of me.  She tells me that we should move on to power sensing, so we do.

Power sensing has always been a challenge for me.  It’s a matter of sensing the whereabouts of an object or person just by their energy.  You have to learn to familiarize yourself with the different energies of different people and things, because everything emits something a little different.  I know Autumn has shared with me that she’s gotten so good at it, she can practically see things as they really are without actually seeing them with her eyes.  She’s definitely the best at this particular power, and I’m nowhere near her level.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as we begin.

“Keep your eyes closed,” Aurora instructs me with her voice.  She’s standing right before me, and I try my best to concentrate on her energy patterns, but it’s very faint.  “When I say start, just begin to count to fifteen.  I’ll move either closer or farther from you, and try your best to guess whether or not I’m closer or farther, OK?  Stay focused.”

“Got it,” I say with my eyes still closed.

She’s quiet for a moment, before I finally hear her say:  “Start.”

I count to fifteen and try to follow her energy as she travels.  The faint energy that I could feel has seemed to almost disappear, so I guess that she’s moved farther away.  “Farther?” I ask out loud.  I open my eyes and see that she stands about five feet away from me, and hasn’t even moved at all.

She smiles.  “It’s OK, just stay focused.  Close your eyes and try again.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  I hold my hands out, trying my best to sense her.  I can feel a tickle at my fingertips as I trace her energy.  I find her warmth, and as soon I sense this I can suddenly feel her in the distance.  With my eyes closed, I begin to see a thin outline of her body.

“Start,” she says.

I count to fifteen and keep my eyes shut tight.  I follow her energy outline as she moves.  She takes several steps backwards, and stops.  “Farther,” I say.

“Good!” she congratulates.  “OK, keep your eyes closed and try again.  Start.”

I sense her moving closer.  “Closer.”

“Great!  OK, Start!”

We do this many more times, and as we continue her energy takes on more and more of a solid form.  She moves farther and closer, and I’m able to follow her the entire time.  “Start,” she instructs for the twentieth time, and I begin to count to fifteen.

I follow her as she moves closer and closer.  I begin the break concentration as she moves so close that she’s directly in front of me.  The warmth of her energy seems to wrap around my own, and I can’t help but totally lose focus.  It doesn’t matter though, because I’m certain she’s right in front of me.  “Clo—"

Before I can finish my answer, I’m silenced by a sudden warmth on my lips.  I open my eyes and see Aurora has pressed her lips against my own.  I close my eyes again and return her kiss, letting her warmth fill me completely.  The kiss lasts only a moment, before I feel her pull away.

I open my eyes again and see that she’s standing there with her attention on her feet.  She looks up at me, and her face flushes a bright red.  She begins to gather her things quickly.  “I—I have to go now, OK?”

“You do?” I blink at her.

She nods, and I can tell she is avoiding eye contact with me.  She slings her duffle bag over her shoulder and hurries towards the exit, without saying goodbye.

I stand there alone, and left completely confused.